I really appreciate your willingness to listen and support me,” he began. – I hope that your participation and understanding will allow me to free myself from the negative emotions that are currently overwhelming me. I also hope that this letter will help you to get to know my desires, needs, aspirations better. I would like to draw your attention to a number of circumstances hindering our rapprochement. First, this is my orphan childhood. I grew up without parental love, affection and warmth. That is why my children, who are also half-orphaned, should not suddenly feel that their father cares more about his own well-being than about them. And without that, while I was doing my dissertation, they were under the care of Bersabe Nikitichna and her sister for a year and a half.
I have no right to make any claims to these selfless women, but while I delved into my scientific affairs, the children somehow moved away from me. This is especially true for Olenka. The girl grew up, almost without seeing her father, therefore she shuns me and prefers the company of a nurse — she is closer and more familiar to her. Probably, Olga Vasilievna, Olenkina’s future godmother, told you that at one time Natalya and I re-read a mountain of literature on child psychology. That was the theory. Children, however, were born and grew up, and we consistently put it into practice, at least tried to use the recommendations gleaned from books. For example, I remember the phrase: for a child there is only “now”, and only after many years does he get a sense of time. Most people only realize by the age of forty or fifty what a day or a month is compared to the life allotted to them. The baby is in the eternal now. He is held in his arms — he is infinitely happy, if not, he grieves and yearns.