Four days later my heroes reached Constantinople. In fact, they went to Russia and returned to Turkey. But if in Ani they were attracted by the hope that, having crouched to the sources, they would gain strength and patience, then the way back completely dispelled their good intentions. Here is how Natalia described her impressions of this trip:

December 15, 1890.

At night there was an attack of acute depression. I cried all night. In the morning I almost told Vardan that I didn’t want to see anything else, but I restrained myself. He so dreamed of seeing the homeland of our ancestors. In addition, he needed the trip for work. That’s probably why the ambassador let us go so easily.

Actually, Vardan did not hide the fact that the meeting with the ruins of Ani frightens him, and even made me read the first chapter of his dissertation before the trip. He wanted me to imagine the real situation in the country where we still have to live.

No, I’m a bitch! Keep silent all the way back, realizing that you are hurting your loved one. I feel guilty and lost. It seemed to me that he would be the first to speak about what he saw, but he remained silent. We have been at home for two days, Vardan is silent. This is killing me. I would give anything if only he smiled!